Review
Author: Matthew Perry
Reviewed by: Juli Miller
Issue: December 2023
In actor Matthew Perry's autobiography, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, Matthew's story begins in a childhood of seemingly glamorous but traumatizing abandonment that leads to his life-long insatiable need of approval, his experimenting with alcohol and drugs, his "perceived and misunderstood" "performance issues" in his romantic life, and eventually to a life-long substance addiction that he seemingly was never able to fully conquer despite the actor's best efforts. All of this is playing out in front of one of the most successful tv shows in history, Friends, that provided Matthew all that society claims will bring happiness--a loving and supportive family, close friends, a close family-like support system of work colleagues, immense wealth, and admiration world-wide by millions of loyal fans. However, none of that mattered--Matthew Perry had a hole inside that could never be filled. As Matthew transitions from the predictable stability of a career in television to a varied film career, Matthew widens his destructive pattern of behavior to his personal life where he engages intense romances where, to protect himself, Matthew repeatedly walks away from women whom he deeply loves because of his immense fear that the women in Matthew's life will eventually abandon him, so, he abandons them first, before they can hurt him. Even though the break-ups were mostly of his doing, the resulting sorrow, remorse, and despair plague the author throughout his lifetime over the continuing loss of love. Throughout the book, this (formerly) handsome, talented, charming, humorous, intelligent and successful actor and author continues to question: how can these women possibly love me, even I don't love myself!" To the reviewer, this is the most interesting essence of this book and the reason it might resonate with those who seek to understand human behavior. This book is another lesson in compassion--a reminder of how easy it is to misjudge others and their unpredictable behaviors due to situations that only they have experienced that we will never be able to understand, never having walked in their shoes. The author chronicles his experience with addiction, treatment, possible reasons why certain individuals succeed in their efforts to recover while others like Matthew fail, regardless of the number of "visits" to rehab centers, the level of "service" or price paid, or the duration of stay, and even the shocking availability and ease of acquiring the forbidden drugs while in the facility. Matthew also candidly shares his experiences and medical treatment that he received at LA area hospitals, including Cedars-Sinai, UCLA, and Saint John's, describing both the positive and negative experiences, including life-threatening issues, treatment, and/or denial of services he had at each. Although this book's focus is on matters quite serious, Matthew Perry's humor, wit, intelligence, and self-deprecation remain intact throughout his writings, and his delivery is warm and facile. Book vs. Audio: Many readers understandably prefer the written word; however, given this author's tendency toward dry wit and humor, the audible version provides the listener the opportunity to hear Matthew Perry's tone and manner in which they were intended to be heard. This is particularly insightful when listening to what sounded like Matthew nostalgically swooning over the memory of a beautiful co-star whom Matthew deeply loved. In that recollection, the listener could hear the heart-wrenching yearning that lingered in Matthew's voice even though years had passed since his break up, when he quietly reminisced, still seemingly grieving, over a lover he had reluctantly left. Despite the editing of this book being weak in a few places, and Matthew Perry's narration voice sounded disturbingly impaired (the book reveals the reason for this), I appreciated the author's honesty and intentions and subjecting himself to immense scrutiny. Though tragic, the author has numerous qualities that I found to be admirable and in his writings. Matthew Perry's courageous account of his travails in Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing" is likely to resonate far beyond the conclusion of his work and I admire him greatly, even posthumously for that. May he finally have the peace that he has forever sought.